Embracing My Path: Lessons from Being the 'Extra' Child

 

The Blessing in Being Unplanned;

                                Being born as the second child, I just happened to my parents.I wasn’t in their plan—not when I arrived, at least.But they loved me wholeheartedly, even if they saw everything about me as “extra.”

And that’s how I became the “extra” in my family.

As a child, I didn’t always see it this way.

There were moments when I felt neglected,
moments when I misinterpreted their ease with me as a lack of love.
My sibling would tease me endlessly,
saying I was a child they picked up off the streets out of sheer kindness.
And my parents? They played along, laughing at what they called a “universal joke.”
But the kid in me didn’t find it funny.
I created countless arguments and imaginary narratives,
questioning why I was treated differently.

A Blessing in Disguise

It took years to see the truth.
The difference wasn’t neglect—it was freedom.

Strangely, I was blessed to be “extra.”

I didn’t carry the weight of expectations that burdened my elder sibling.
I wasn’t constantly in the spotlight.
Instead, I had the space to carve my own path,
precisely because I wasn’t part of theirs.

Whatever I did for them was unexpected—a bonus.
They were happy with the “extra” I gave,
because they hadn’t expected anything in the first place.
All the trials, errors, and experiments had already been done on the firstborn.
By the time it was my turn, they knew what didn’t work.
Sometimes, they even shielded me,
guiding me away from paths they wished they hadn’t taken.

Other times, I could predict their plans for me—enough to outsmart them.
Being observant helped me calculate situations.
Quietly, I diverted their attention,
and if needed, I subtly manipulated events
to protect my freedom.

Embracing Freedom, Lowering Expectations

As they embraced my place in their life as a blessing,
I embraced the freedom of less pressure.
I made that freedom my comfort zone.
I understood the weight that recognition would bring,
so I kept expectations low—not just at home,
but in the outside world too.

I noticed people underestimating me,but I never corrected them.
I didn’t show my potential because
I enjoyed the coziness and the lack of burden that came with it.
With time, some people recognised me for who I was,
while others took advantage of my hesitance to say no.
Most of the time, though, I was left alone,
a consequence of the underestimation I had quietly nurtured.

Even teachers thought of me as “extra.”
Friends saw me the same way.
I bet everyone who knew me only on the surface felt that too.
Eventually, it became a habit I intentionally set.
And slowly, I forgot who I really was.

Maybe this is why I am an introvert.
I knew the power of being out of focus and embraced it.
I wasn’t shy to speak; I simply chose to do so only when necessary.
I avoided interaction, hid in plain sight, and let others see only what I allowed.
But when I was caught in the spotlight, I acted cool and spoke with confidence.
No one ever suspected that it was by design.
The treasure of truly knowing me—my inner world—
could become my vulnerability in the wrong hands.
So, I kept it hidden,
occasionally stretching outward just enough
to dispel curiosity and maintain my safe haven.

Then, there were moments when I couldn’t hide anymore—
moments when people caught a glimpse of the real me.
The wonder in their eyes left me questioning:
Am I doing this right?
Or am I self-destructing in this comfort zone?

Reflections on Growth

Taking My Own Pace, Finding My Strength

Looking back, I realize the answers aren’t simple.
My pace has been different, my journey slower,
but every step forward has been mine to claim.
Sometimes, being “extra” means finding strength in the spaces
where others see only emptiness.

So, am I self-destructing, or am I just taking my time?

Maybe it’s both.
And maybe that’s okay.

Have you ever felt like the 'extra' one? How did you embrace it?